


lactose intolerance

by abby10



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, F/M, Finsta Fic, Instagram, Social Media, Social Media AU, instagram fic, milkshake your local snape today, oops i wrote another finsta fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 11:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19295173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abby10/pseuds/abby10
Summary: Social Media AU: Sometimes speaking out against hate can lead to love. Sometimes your milkshake really does bring all the boys to the yard. Featuring anti-fascist action, big cookies, and fighting intolerance with lactose.





	lactose intolerance

**Author's Note:**

> Hello it's me I am back with another finsta fic. This is super short and I wrote it in like an hour but I wanted to go ahead and share because I haven't published anything in a while. 
> 
> Finsta - a fake insta aka an Instagram account where people post things they wouldn’t post on their normal/real account (or rinsta)
> 
> Finsta names:  
> tulipevans – Lily Evans  
> jameshotterthanyou – James Potter  
> sincerenoir – Sirius Black  
> wolfymcwolfface – Remus Lupin  
> petesfinsta – Peter Pettigrew  
> quitecontrary – Mary MacDonald  
> dorkyfields – Dorcas Meadowes  
> marleythetrashqueen – Marlene McKinnon

**tulipevans posted a photo:** _heard there was a white nationalist gathering in town today. might stop by. hope no one is lactose intolerant!!! @dorkyfields_

marleythetrashqueen: _you are LITERALLY MY HEROES_

dorkyfields: _let’s bash those fash!!!_

quitecontrary: _be safe!!!! love you!! you’re both queens!!!_

 

\---

**sincerenoir posted a photo:** _live from my family reunion_

wolfymcwolfface: _Sirius be careful there are literal Nazis around_

sincerenoir: _@wolfymcwolfface that’s what i just said_

jameshotterthanyou: _@wolfymcwolfface don’t worry im here to keep us safe_

sincerenoir: _@jameshotterthanyou u mean Euphemia is here to keep us safe lol_

jameshotterthanyou: _…. yes_

 

\---

 

**dorkyfields posted a video:** _this lady is everything I aspire to be in life_

marleythetrashqueen: _she is going OFF ON THOSE NAZIS HELL YEAH_

tulipevans: _some of the nazis started saying shit about immigrants and she was NOT HAVING IT!!!!_

 

\---

 

 **sincerenoir posted a photo** : _suddenly, a wild sneep appears!_

wolfymcwolfface: _Snape? At a white nationalist rally? It’s more likely than you think!_

jameshotterthanyou: _he’s spewing some straight garbage i think mum might hit him lol_

petesfinsta: _ew y is snape ther?_

wolfymcwolfface: _@petesfinsta Because’s he’s literally a neo-nazi??_

 

\---

 

 **tulipevans posted a video** : _oops my hand slipped_

quitecontrary: _OMG OMG OMG_

marleythetrashqueen: _HOLY SHIT WHAT_

marleythetrashqueen: _YOU MILKSHAKED SNAPE?!?!!?_

marleythetrashqueen: _DEPRESSION: CURED_

dorkyfields: _it was literally one of the best things ive ever seen_

quitecontrary: _what happened??_

tulipevans: _@quitecontrary we were listening to that lady yell at nazis when suddenly snape appeared and started chiming in and it looked like one of the lady’s sons was gonna deck him (they knew him apparently?? like they were shouting his name and heckling him)_

tulipevans: _but then i shouted “this one’s mine” and ran over and he turned around and looked hopeful for some reason??? like i meant that in a positive way and like i’d be excited to see him even though we were at a LITERAL WHITE NATIONALIST RALLY_

marleythetrashqueen: _literal scum of the earth whats new_

tulipevans: _and then i just dumped the whole shake all over him_

dorkyfields: _now that’s what i call lactose intolerance_

**\---**

**jameshotterthanyou posted a video:** _I AM IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!_

sincerenoir: _THIS WAS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!_

wolfymcwolfface: _Is that Snape getting milkshaked?!_

jameshotterthanyou: _@wolfymcwolfface yes!!!! by the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen!!!!!! i am in love!!!!!!!!_

petesfinsta: _hey i no that girl_

jameshotterthanyou: _@petesfinsta WHAT OMG WHO IS SHE_

petesfinsta: _her names lily. she works at the cafe i go 2 4 the big cookies_

jameshotterthanyou: _@petesfinsta you are my hero omg_

wolfymcwolfface: _Please don’t stalk this poor girl at her place of work_

sincerenoir: _you need to find her and marry her since i cant. dont listen to @wolfymcwolfface._

jameshotterthanyou: _i will take everyones comments into consideration (not really im with you @sincerenoir)_

 

\--- 

 

 **marleythetrashqueen posted a photo** : _look who’s gone viral!!!! i know a famous person!!! @tulipevans_  

tulipevans: _omg is that buzzfeed???_  

tulipevans: _holy shit my twitter and rinsta notifications are blowing up_

dorkyfields: _becoming famous for dumping a milkshake on snape is the only respectable way to gain internet fame_

quitecontrary: _omg!!!! you star!!!_

marleythetrashqueen: _don’t forget us little people @tulipevans_

 

\---

 

 **sincerenoir posted a photo** : _IT’S GONE VIRAL!!! THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE IMMORTALIZED IN INTERNET FAME!!!_

wolfymcwolfface: _the pure joy on your and @jameshotterthanyou’s faces in this video is inspiring_

petesfinsta: _ha ha take that snape_

jameshotterthanyou: _i cant wait to show my kids this video of the moment i met and fell in love with their mother_

 

\---

 

 **tulipevans posted a photo** : _back to work after an exciting day of anti-fascist action yesterday_

quitecontrary: _bring home some of those cookies after your shift? <3_

marleythetrashqueen: _ooh the peanut butter cup ones please_

dorkyfields: ^ _seconded_

tulipevans: _i’ll stash them away rn!_

 

\---

 

 **petesfinsta posted a photo** : _got a big chocolate chip cookie 2 start tha day rite_

jameshotterthanyou: _is my future wife on shift rn???_

petesfinsta: _@jameshotterthanyou oh ya shes there i only like 2 go during her shifts bcuz she gives me the biggest cookies_

 

\--- 

 

**jameshotterthanyou posted a photo:** _fancied a quick coffee break let’s see if this place is any good_

wolfymcwolfface: _Be nice to this poor girl please_

petesfinsta: _try a cookie!!!_

sincerenoir: _lol you got there so fast did you run??_

jameshotterthanyou: _@sincerenoir …. maybe_

 

\--- 

 

**tulipevans posted a photo:** _omg i think one of the guys from yesterday is at the cafe!!_

dorkyfields: _nice hair/leather jacket or glasses/jersey?_

tulipevans: _@dorkyfields glasses/jersey. he’s super cute??? i didn’t have a chance to really notice yesterday_

quitecontrary: _get his number!!_

 

\--- 

 

 **jameshotterthanyou posted a photo:** _having such a nice convo with milkshake girl!!!! her name is lily (this is her helping another customer rn)_  

jameshotterthanyou: _@petesfinsta also you were right these cookies are top notch_

petesfinsta: _told u!!!_  

sincerenoir: _bet you chicken out of asking for her number_

wolfymcwolfface: _@sincerenoir Be nice_

sincerenoir: _@wolfymcwolfface sorry dad_

 

\---

 

 **tulipevans posted a photo:** _@dorkyfields @quitecontrary @marleythetrashqueen sorry ladies but you’re gonna have to wait a little longer for those cookies! I’ve got a date ;)_  

quitecontrary: _!!!!!!!!!!!_

dorkyfields: _lol leave it to you to go to a counterprotest at a neo-nazi rally and come away with a bf_  

dorkyfields: _happy for you tho <3_

marleythetrashqueen: _omg!! worth the extra wait!!_

marleythetrashqueen: _have fun don’t do anything i wouldn’t do because you know if i wouldn’t do it it must be some freaky shit!!_

 

\--- 

 

**jameshotterthanyou posted a photo:** _look how cute we are on our FIRST DATE!!!!!! biggest thanks to snivellus snorp for bringing us together <3_

wolfymcwolfface: _Nice job! Congrats! Glad you’re having a good date!!_

sincerenoir: _omg tell her what a fan i am of her work. truly stunning stuff_

petesfinsta: _if u d8 her mayb i can get free cookies_

petesfinsta: _also good 4 u!!_

 

\--- 

 

**sincerenoir posted a photo:** _couldnt wait until they woke up to tell her that shes my hero_

jameshotterthanyou: _will you GET OUT OF MY BED PLEASE_

sincerenoir: _@jameshotterthanyou um ur gf and i r having a great time u can piss off if you want_

wolfymcwolfface: _Ah so that was the loud thump and then shriek I heard next door_

wolfymcwolfface: _Well at least Lily knows what she’s getting into by dating @jameshotterthanyou now_

 

_\---_

**tulipevans posted a photo:** _photo from our first date!!! (aka the best first date of our life like thanks snape for being the absolute worst so I could meet James??)_

quitecontrary: _omg so cute!!!!!!_

marleythetrashqueen: _hope you had a good night!!! don’t think we didn’t notice you didn’t come home ;)))_

dorkyfields: _are you sharing a milkshake?? iconic_

tulipevans: _@dorkyfields what can I say? apparently my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ;)_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much for reading! Feel free to leave a kudos, comment, or bookmark. I will love you forever!!!
> 
> Come chat with me at my main blog (pareidolian.tumblr.com) or my fanfic sideblog (abby10fanfic.tumblr.com) xx


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